I love this idea and format. I must credit Zulie Rane, Danny Forest, and Violet Daniels, who, as far as I’m aware, came up with it. Also, a shout out and thanks to Quy Ma and Jennifer Marie. “About Me Stories” is a wonderful way to foster a sense of community, and I’m thrilled to learn more about my fellow Medium dwellers!

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Bio

Hi! I’m JL Matthews. I’m about forty years old and happily-married. …

Is there anything funnier than relationships?

Ducks?

Farts?

Farting ducks?

Perhaps.

But relationships— with all of their blunders, mistakes, and disappointments — must be a close second.

With that in mind, Catherine Weingarten and Gracie Beaver-Kairis (hey, beavers are funny animals too!) want your silly Valentine’s Day pieces.

They’re looking for witty, goofy, absurd, or otherwise nonsensical pieces that are less than 1,000 words.

They’d love to see some illustrations.

Unless they are illustrations of duck farts.

Or beaver farts.

Full details can be found here.

Submissions are open through February 12th.

Catherine and Gracie Beaver-no-fan-of-duck-farts-Kairis will publish the best of the lot through the end of February. …

Some people, indeed many people, ask me why I write in the nude.

They ask:

“Is it to prevent distractions?”

“Do you not have air conditioning?”

“Can you please cover yourself during this symposium, professor?”

To them, I answer:

Tolstoy. Joyce. Hemingway.

What was it that defined these titans of the written word?

Their marvelous characters? Their unmistakable style? Their keen understanding of the human condition?

Certainly.

But also, it was their affinity for writing in the nude.

Take War and Peace, considered by many to be the greatest novel ever written. Tolstoy meticulously researched the Napoleonic era. …

If you’ve ever wondered what sort of hijinks would ensue for a man with a comically long, prehensile ‘pee-pee’, you might just work for Danish television.

DR, the Danish equivalent of PBS or the BBC, recently launched a show titled John Dillermand. In the show, ‘Dillermand’ (the literal translation is ‘penis-man’) gets himself and his…well…you know…fella into all sorts of trouble in his Danish hometown.

Yes, whether ‘Dillermand’ is getting ‘himself’ caught on a bus, between garden shears (yikes!), or using ‘himself’ as a pogo stick, ‘Dillermand’ just can’t stop getting into awkward situations.

But the fascinating (and serious) question about John Dillermand is whether any of this is appropriate for children. …

Since the dawn of spaceflight in the 1940s, animals have led the way.

Scientists relied on the crucial data gathered by these ‘animal astronauts’ to determine the biological limits of space travel.

So, it’s fair to say that there would never have been a man on the moon without some of these animal explorers.

Fruit Flies

We have our problems with them, but bugs and humans inhabit many of the same places. Which is why some of the first creatures to ride a rocket were fruit flies.

With their basic anatomy and short life span, scientists used the fruit flies to answer common questions about the upper level of the Earth’s atmosphere and its potential effect on humans. …

Ok, let’s start with the featured image: “The woman biting on the pencil.”

Look, I get it. You just wrote a 1,500 word post about how annoying it is that your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/boss/parent/dog doesn’t listen to you.

So you went looking for a picture of ‘frustrated’ and this is what comes up.

Please — I’m begging you. Keep looking. Trust me. We’ve all seen it by now.

To play:

1. Prepare as many 5 x 5 playing surfaces as needed, with numbers assigned randomly.
2. The center square is a free space, or alternatively, filled-in when the Protagonist of the film sips her first hot cocoa.
3. As the clichés pile up, place a suitably crafty item (colored glass bead, whole coffee bean, etc.) over each number on your board.
4. Once you have five in a row (vertically, horizontally, or diagonally), shout, “I have no idea what I’m doing! I don’t know what’s happening to me! I always thought I wanted a career, but maybe not!”

1) An actor/actress from Full House, Saved by the Bell, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, or Party of Five appears. …

When you think about it, history is just news from the past.

And like the news, it happens every day.

Even if that day is Christmas.

The Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, the theft of the Stone of Scone, and the deadliest hotel fire in history all took place on Christmas Day.

So what other famous events happened on Christmas Day? Let’s take a look:

The First Christmas

Of course, most of us have heard the story of The First Christmas: Manger. Shepards. Angels.

But how long have Christians been celebrating on December 25th?

Somewhat surprisingly, the first recorded evidence of Jesus’ birth being celebrated on December 25th doesn’t appear until 336 — after the Christian Emperor, Constantine, had come to power. …